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Tuesday, January 1st, 2008
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Tuesday
January 1st, 2008
1:01am
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| Friday, October 13th, 2006
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Friday
October 13th, 2006
11:26pm
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"I guess nothin' can last forever - forever, no"
The last day of official school, last day of classes. I've spent thirteen years at this school, and it's strange, you spend so long thinking you're over it all, that exams are killing you and you just want it all done with, and it suddenly hits you when those last few days creep up.
Wednesday; speech night. I stole a lemon, rehearsals in the city on a 33 degree day, the bus having to stop outside Olympic Park for a girl who'd fainted... having quail for dinner and accidently squirting Meg and Em whenever I stabbed a tomato, drinking in that restaurant in uniform... speeches! Maree's name was left out. Sarah Martin won almost all the awards. And Alex Lloyd's 45 minute performance that dragged on forever - Mez saying out loud, "just play 'Amazing' and get off the stage!" Mennie waving his crutches in the air and passing them down the audience. Alex Lloyd dedicating "Amazing" to us...
Thursday, last Legal class was very emotional. Miss Beere giving us those Little Miss and Mr Men books and writing little notes on the inside, with fortune cookies and everything...
Today's last Chinese class was awesome. Wonga made us little lucky charms, and we watched the unedited Year 12 chinese speaking DVD, which she made a copy of for each of us. Jaclyn taking her last opportunity to call "Robert's gay!" and writing it all over the board. Wonga finally getting revenge by writing "Jaclyn's Gay" - and later said it meant "Jaclyn is happy".
Fancy Dress Party was incredible. Everyone went to so much effort and almost everyone turned up. Better than the formal.
I have to stop myself from just going on and on.
It's times like these that you forget you ever could be such an angsty teen, that you have ever had arguments or bitched about others. Everything just fits together, and you think to yourself, wow, life is pretty wonderful.
If anyone were to offer me the chance to go back to year 7 and do it all again, I wouldn't. I guess I'm going to be able to move on, even if it takes a lot of tears and goodbyes. There were so many good times, some not so good times, but God, I'm so glad I lived every moment of it.
current mood:  nostalgic
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| Sunday, September 3rd, 2006
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Sunday
September 3rd, 2006
9:19pm
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Time is speeding past and I feel absolutely immobile, like I have gotten nowhere very quickly. Is this a quarter-life crisis?
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| Wednesday, April 26th, 2006
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Wednesday
April 26th, 2006
10:58pm
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The School's 125th Birthday
Started off the day with tutor in the hall because we had House Assembly first.
Found out I was introducing the newly adopted House Hymn - The Servant's Song due to Lumsden's place as most Community Service orientated house - and donned a sparkly green cape.
Funky music as we went up on the stage and Mrs T and Mr H tried to get us to dance onto stage.
James dressed up as a crocodile for the benefit of the prep to year 6s. Was thinking, "lord, as if they'd buy it. Kids are so cynical these days", but they actually did!
Mrs T and Mr Williams were at the front of the stage leading a mexican wave when James saunters along the back of the stage. All the kids scream, "a crocodile! a crocodile!"
Teachers are like, "what? what are you saying?"
James disappears, and the teachers look around. Totally cliched stuff. Then James reappears and Mr H does a comic double-take.
James the "lummydile" (or something) had to answer a few questions about what he loved about Lumsden and how did he know that we had a House Assembly now? "Oh, I didn't really know. But I dunno if you guys know there's that cyclone Monica, it came through my home and washed me down here, and here I am."
1 person from each yr level had to come up and answer questions.
There were two preps to lend each other moral support. Their question was, "what colour is Lumsden house?"
*silence*
".... um... gween?"
So cute.
Craig representing yr 12 was asked what he'd miss most about Lumsden when he leaves. "The spirit and the people." Aww....
Went out for a photo outside of the hall and the yr 11 guys were like taller than most of the yr 12s. Got little bags of green m'n'ms or however you spell them.
Gym - practised singing. Paraded around trying to get them to do long phrases and practise diction and everything. Did they follow instructions? To the tiniest of degrees.
Tutor - signed the back of a sheet of paper that is supposedly gonna hold our class photo. Was meant to have a note to our future selves. 25 years in the future. Will be... 43. Crazy.
I will not understand what I was on about in my note in 25 years time.
Note and thought process went like this:
Dear future me,
I hope you are rich and successful and owner of...
Me: What's the best country in the world?
Elgin: China.
Me: Nooo...
Josh: Josh.
Me: Oh. Okay.
... and owner of Josh (the country). Hi to future Sarah and Kaffe. Hope I don't have kids! Luv Trish.
Everyone got white chocolate mudcake cupcakes. They were huge. They were pretty good for the first like 8 bites, then you quickly got over it. Was so sweet and covered in white chocolate.
Recess - bludge
Afterwards, we formed our number 5 on oval 2. Was so hot, standing in the sun, squashed into our little grids, 7 person per square. A plane flew overhead like 10 times then was gone. Were told not to walk on our $1 million newly resurfaced 1st oval. So everyone headed for the oval. Teachers dashed around and herded us back to the path.
Lunch - like 2 hours long. Spent about 40 minutes in the commonroom sprawled across a couple of seats going, "we should have a day like this every week."
Dom, Reiner, Jake and Tristen played their pseudo-punk-something music in the J-cluster quadrangle. Dunno. Yellowcard, Eagle Eye Cherry, etc. Dom will never be a rock/punk singer. He totally doesn't deserve the other musos.
A clown was wandering around the school giving balloon dogs and whatnot to people.
After lunch, house singing. Dragged our large green balloon to the gym. Long story short, Holmes won, and they deserved it. Lumsden came 3rd and we should've come 2nd I reckon, in all honesty.
Shaw & Wilsmore tied 4th.
Shaw - because they shouted the entire song like a footy anthem and Goran and co. stood at the back shouting so loudly he pretty much was audible right at the back of the gym. He got some words mixed up which mixed up the other kids.
Wilsmore - because the year 12 guys jumped up and down on the choir stands when they were filing on and broke the stands. Also, they illegally added harmonies and did pretentious things with volume and dynamics.
Holmes were perfect. Musical phrasing, long notes, perfect diction. Blah. Makes me sick. I hope that at least all the Lumsden people listened and understood, "oh, so THAT'S what Trish meant when she said to do this... wow, maybe she knew what she was talking about." Hah, I sound bitter.
Afterwards, there was a birthday cake for the school, while we sang the SCHOOL happy birthday.
Then, we sang the School song, I swear, that was the loudest and most enthusiastic I've ever heard the school song being sung. Especially the unofficialy "BOM BOM BOM" bit in the chorus. Brilliant.
Mooting afterwards. I felt useless and Nam was brilliant but I couldn't think of how to say that without her thinking I'm being insincere. I settled for "good". I'm stupid. Anyway, the actual mooting is tomorrow so GOOD LUCK TO HER.
I wanted to go to the Mooting, but I have Founders Day rehearsal at the same time, which is a total bummer. Only 2 things i'm involved in at the moment now that house singing and debating is over, and they are both in the same place (city) at the same time (9:00), leaving school at the same time (7:30). Yuck.
Had pizza at mooting which was yum.
THEN, hung around from 7:00 PM to 7:30 waiting for mum and Kris, coz Kris had rockclimbing. I went down to the gym, and I noticed this creepy albino-white cat sitting on a fence, staring at me with odd glassy eyes. Freaked me out.
No one in the gym, so came back and the cat was following me.
"You're a really freaky cat, you know that?"
"Miaow" it said menacingly.
So I ran away.
Went back to Admin and had a conversation with some very old guy who does who knows what in the school. Janitor? Maintenence? Meh. Anyway, it seems like it was his cat. I'm glad I didn't mention that I thought it was trying to kill me and I ran away from it.
Got home, and realised I left my violin at school and no one would be there at 7:30 in the morning to open the storeroom for me, and I needed my violin for the rehearsal. Called Mr. Yuen and I ended up going back to school at 9:30PM once more, he unlocked all the art centre for me and I got my violin.
Mr Yuen goes, "hope no one else left their stuff in here." *looks around* "Nope, none of these look familiar... oh wait, that one looks like..."
I read the name tag. "Josh Hu." TYPICAL!!!!
Dunno what happened with that. Mr Yuen called Josh and I left.
That was my very long day and I am tired.
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| Wednesday, April 19th, 2006
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Wednesday
April 19th, 2006
8:39pm - Study Ramblings
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Was not in the mood to work during study so started writing everything that came into my head like that whatcha call it... stream of consciousness.
***
Mr Merret is furious, he cautions us that water and computers don't mix, as if we thought that they were really compatible or something. "Oh, my computer's working so much faster since I dipped it in the swimming pool"
The fish swim among the circuits in a fishy way that is particular to fish. It's easy to imagine they are surprised, but they just look that way naturally; large eyes that pop out in a manner reminiscent of the "Denim" one.
The Anti-Denim campaign started last year and today I had the courage to throw an unfolded paperclip at her. It was supposed to pierce her through the heart but it didn't even impale her skirt. I'm not really that surprised. She has thick skin.
People are talking about the computer Further SAC - quartiles, dollar signs, box plots - and I think back to that computer SAC and it seems like it was many years ago.
Merret prowls around and I have to pretend to be looking at my United States of America Constitution questions. It was a bad move writing his name at the top of this page. If I were him, his name would jump out at me like it was lit up in neon lights.
"Shhh," he is saying. "Please sit down, have a book open and at least pretend to be reading or writing."
The man has learned to compromise it seems.
There was a dead mouse in this room this morning, and Mr. Mic put it in the bin. There was a frog in here before, and the room constantly smells like warm, wooly eucalyptus. It might be the new carpet... or... just wooly eucalyptus.
Eucalyptus leaves wrapped lovingly in woolly jumpers. Winter season starts soon. Cold Saturday mornings with misty fields and dew that clings to the goalposts...
New vending machines in the Commonroom. Ones that takes notes. Marika put $3 in to buy chocolate. It gave her not one, but two chocolate bars and gave her $3 back. Basically 2 free chocolate bars. There is a hot chocolate/coffee machine too. Not operational.
Mr Merret is reading a newspaper that says 'inferno'.
I turn around and Sarah has left without me realising.
Tomorrow, music from 7:30 - 8:15, then 8:30 - 10:45, then 3:30 - 6:30.
"Goran, can you stop that noise please," says Mr Merret.
"We're practising for our play," he says. "The Devil in Drag. Do you want to hear us sing?"
Mr Merret ignores him.
Sarah's writing is incredibly neat. She's still not back. Does money bring happiness?
Sarah is back. Yay! Sarah brings happiness. "And so does Trish," says Sarah. Awww... "Ka-ching!" Must mean I am money.
这件毛衣多少钱？ - That jumper is how much money?
三个 Trish's. - 3 Trish's.
太贵了！ - Too expensive!
It is 4:00 ... 20 minutes till freedom.
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| Sunday, April 9th, 2006
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Sunday
April 9th, 2006
1:57am
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I was following your name
Down the linoleum lanes edged in dust.
I knew there must have been clues you left me
So I eagerly read the cracks in the walls
found your history etched there
discovered your dreams and plans
and in the dirt encrusted windows
discerned a face that was mine.
In burying the disparity between fact and fiction
In tracts of sentiment
Comfort grew like moss
And smoothed out the stumbles
That could not weather the recolouring of time
Finally here, with the bones crushed to fine sand
Beneath my feet
I could now believe in loss and tragedy
And loved the shifting surface of the past.
In the land of ghosts
I sit and am soothed
By the soft, rainy days.
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Sunday
April 9th, 2006
12:43am - Hm...
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Alright Nam, I made my entries public again, but I feel a bit odd about the photos. Might make just them private.
Anyhoo, I've achieved absolutely nothing this weekend, hooray for me.
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| Wednesday, March 29th, 2006
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Wednesday
March 29th, 2006
12:14am
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Life was better and then another one bites the dust...
I knew what was happening though. I could tell he liked her, I guessed who he liked straight away when he told me to guess.
As far as things go, I don't really care that much...
Trying to do Chinx homework and failing miserably... only 2 more translations to go and I am struggling. What the hell order to I put the words in if I want to say "walk to the station to go to work"? It's like a year 9 grammar structure... damn, I am frustrated.
Just finished my debating speech. Fingers crossed. (Especially since I got the topic this morning and debate is tomorrow). Should be fine. I'm 1st speaker for a change, so everything's already planned.
Badminton training today. Was incredible fun, mainly because I went a little high from 2 weeks of accumulated holiday-fat, and ran around being happy.
I tried running on the walls matrix-style and I suppose it all went downhill from there. Lol. Nam and I played badminton in ninja-mode and did other stupid things like decorated the net with shuttlecocks and ribbons, stood with our backs to the net and tried to play standing backwards... making up odd routines for the end of every point. (Bow ninja style, "guv'nor" salute, and odd hand waving thing...)
Scholars Concert tomorrow. Soundcheck all morning.
Bah... I desperately need to do homework but it is now midnight.
Talked to Lachlan on MSN for the first time in ages. Reflected on unrequited loves and other such angsty things.
In other news, in Psych I have broken away from Emily K and the Shehan because they are bloody annoying and are gossip queens (yes - queens, the two of them). Surprisingly enough, I'm happier a row closer to the front with acquaintences, able to work and feel that I might do well in Psych...
There was a frog in H3 during study
Today, one chair poured liquid rust all over my foot and I had to change my sock (so I had one pink and one white sock all day) and in Chinx, I put my foot in a huge glob of glue someone had smeared onto the ground.
Meg is still going on abough Hugh's party and emphasizing how hung-over she was, and life is going on and on and on, and I think that the future is looking good from today's perspective.
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| Saturday, March 11th, 2006
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Saturday
March 11th, 2006
10:17pm
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Was the last day of school yesterday and I totally forgot about it so I had to bring all my books home in one go.
I am listening to a mixture of Les Miserables and Tripod.
Nam and I went shopping yesterday for something to match her pink skirt and we traipsed around the Glen for hours. 'Twas fun but. And I got hair ribbons and a black singlet top. Hooray.
Right now I lack a creative outlet. Nothing comes out of my brain. Words don't even come fluently any more.
tomorrow i will do homework
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| Wednesday, March 8th, 2006
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Wednesday
March 8th, 2006
10:42pm
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Yesterday was okay as far as these things go...
actually no, the more I think about it, it was crap. First was the speech for assembly Bob and I couldn't get done, because we kept going off on tangents about 'L33T' and stuff. I had to disappear for that dreaded CT at 10, so I missed yet another English SAC. But to be honest, the CT was actually nowhere near as freaky as I imagined it to be. No claustrophobia, not even the iodine injection needed... then mum bought me maccas because I am still not past the stage where I can't say no to McDonalds.
The rest of the day was punctuated by the usual pain, followed by an attempt to do my first English SAC after school. I failed miserably, because I was in the library and the room was only semi-soundproof and the parent-teacher interviews were on and it was noisy, and I was hurting, and my brain was all over the place and Mr Pello kept ringing that retarded bell every 5 minutes, and I had some kind of breakdown again and Miss Evans and Mr Tyler took pity on me and now I still haven't done that SAC.
Today was the assembly and everything went fine which is a good thing. We got our music captain badges, which are PUNY... they're even smaller than the normal 'debating' badges. It's ego-shattering. Nam and I half ad-libbed our comm serv speech, then we proceeded to put 'very special kids' posters up in the tuckshop with thumbtacks.
Whole day was drifting in and out of pain, and I was grumpy as. People comment on my expression, including Monica who arrived at the conclusion that I was tired and promised to bring something tomorrow... didn't quite catch half of what she said. Meh.
Sarah says she's booked the Coolum place for January, so yay, holiday. Except Nam can't come and I'm disappointed, but well...
Been studying for the Legal SAC that is tomorrow. And I'm gonna have another shot at that English SAC. Not sure whether to go in drug-free, or drugged and drowsy. Either way my brain will be cloudy. I swear its been like that the last few days. I feel like my brain is sitting in a tub of water. I can't think of words, takes me ages to think of things. When I'm talking to people I have to stop halfway between sentences because I forgot what I was even talking about, then I have to follow my trail of thoughts back to figure out where I was going. Everything's messed up.
On an unrelated note, someone stole $110 from Mr Holloway's office and it's a big scandal. Jean is Mortica and Bob is Gomez apparantly, and every time Jean walks into legal, Eric, Lachlan and Cazza start up a rendition of "The Addams Family" - which I found amusing enough to write into here. I think Miss Beere hates me. Kaffe got her shoes back from Kilsythe because she left them there last week, and they came back in a free bag and were all polished. It's pretty impressive. If that happened all the time I'd be losing things more often.
Got a 9/10 on my Chinese SAC. W00T! I am so proud.
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| Sunday, March 5th, 2006
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Sunday
March 5th, 2006
5:40pm
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well that attempt failed spectacularly. i thought i'd at least be able to write for three days straight before forgetting.
last few days been miserable. 3 hours of sleep in the last 48. pain is worse, can feel it during the day now. have done no homework in the last 4 days, missed 1 english SAC and 2 days of class.
there's been hospital (twice in like 10 hours), lots of little white pills that i can't swallow, blood tests (3 vials - i now have no blood left. i am a walking, dried husk of a corpse) and i am so so so tired i can't do anything, so much to do at school, so many things that need organising, and i really need sleep... apparantly having a CT scan sometime this week... blah, something for psychology i suppose...
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| Tuesday, February 28th, 2006
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Tuesday
February 28th, 2006
8:35pm - Tuesday
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Alright. Day 1 of my attempt to document my final year of school. I shall spend 10 minutes every day talking about the mundane details of my life. Like most of my other projects this is probably doomed to failure, but I'm going to remain optimistic.
I can't remember much of today actually.
I remember waving my little green star clacker that we got from House Aths yesterday in the air, then finding that Mr Hartley was behind me. He looks grave for a moment then says, "You've lost it, Patricia."
'Tis only memorable because I can't believe he still remembers my name. Then again, I heard from Marika that he mentioned me in one of his Lit classes. Something along the lines of, "If you want to do well in Lit, then you need to write in a sophisticated manner. If you don't know what I mean, ask Patricia. She knows."
It is the highlight of my life - being mentioned in a Mr Hartley class. I'm dead serious. The best teacher I've ever had, and I almost worshipped him in Year 10. One day if I'm brave enough, I'm gonna tell him he's my hero, lol. I really do wonder if he knows the effect he has on kids.
Well that was like 6 minutes of my allocated 10 minutes already gone. What else happened today?
I had my first Chinese SAC, which was also the very first SAC I've had this year. If I want to be nostalgic about it, I could say it's my last first-of-the-year SAC. (I can't be bothered re-reading that to see if it makes sense.) SAC was okay. I found it was easy. Nam says it was hard and Jen says Hugh says it was hard. But meh... we'll see how I go.
House Chapel tomorrow...
The official House Chapel incidentally was last week and Sarah, Emma, Sam D. and I played Pachabel's Canon and everyone was asleep at the end. I blame Sam. He started the piece way too slow. But I can't hold it against him. He's a good kid, and he agreed to play and turned up to rehearsals at the weekend and stuff...
Badminton was boring. Louise and Louey (I think that's how you'd spell her name) are playing for us next Saturday. They suck and they'll ruin our undefeated status, so Sawa and I played against them to try and demoralize them so they won't play. Didn't work because they fluked some shots and I REALLY MEAN they fluked shots, I'm not just saying that because I'm bitter. Sure, Sawa and I won most of the points but they had a few crappy shots that hit the net and dribbled over, or hit the side of their racquet and managed to go over the net at a crazy angle.
10 minutes almost up.
I'm afraid something important happened today and I'm not remembering it...
Ummm...
Liv beat me at badminton the other day. *sob* Haha... then I actually was put into the 1sts and I don't know who's responsible for that, probably a combination of Nam, Jules and Jen. I won my 1sts game and we were playing Geelong which have like the super team. So Liv, if you're reading this, you're better than a CGS 1sts player. Or a temporary CGS 1sts player anyway...
Time's up. Lets see if I remember about this tomorrow...
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| Wednesday, January 18th, 2006
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Wednesday
January 18th, 2006
12:49am
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Nam is reading my livejournal so I'd better mention her before she gets to it. Haha. She is awesome and I love her to pieces and if she ever decided she hated me, I'd have to stab myself through the head with a four-foot toothbrush. :)
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| Friday, January 13th, 2006
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Friday
January 13th, 2006
11:40pm
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Isn't life wonderful. I'm not being sarcastic. Life is sunny and fine and dandy.
Holidays have been awesome. I've avoided the people I hate, spent lots of time with the people I love. I've done plenty of community service work which makes me feel cheerful and angelic, and
I've managed to play lots of music which again makes me feel cheerful.
I've ridden to the city about three or four times this holidays which makes me fitter. I go for walks sometimes. I just played cricket with my bros + friend.
I've done maybe one third of my holiday homework.
Got a friend's party tomorrow and for once I have something to wear.
I've feeling very independant and grown up, haha. Just gotten a whole lot of money from Dad. Been clothes shopping with my friends heaps!!! I've been working the last week, making my own way to places, meeting new people, AND although I've been all on my lonesome at lunch for a while, I've learned how to use the cash register and I CAN COUNT MONEY so my maths came in handy.
Got my hair done a while back. I'm doing my nails every three days or so, so the fumes are constantly making me high. Lol. I got lots of new clothes. I've probably mentioned that.
I love the friends I have. I have recently utterly and sincerely forgiven an enemy (though she didn't know she was my enemy, nor that I still held a grudge against her).
Dad got a new snazzy car that tells him how to get places, when to turn, what the temperature is, and is very very bright red.
I have lots of new stationary. Including clag glue. I love clag. Kris thinks I'm mental. No one believes that I'll take it to school. But I will. And what's more, I'll use it too. I am not ashamed of my clag. Clag is ultimately awesome and I haven't used it since I was 7 so I am looking forward to school JUST SO I CAN USE MY CLAG.
My desk is very untidy. Which doesn't bother me at all. It bothers my parents but aside from making a snide remark about being the slob of the family, they don't seem to really mind either since I live in the top corner of the house where I can't offend their sense of cleanliness and orderliness and taste.
What else can I rant about?
I have re-discovered Monty Python after Em brought more Monty Python movies for us to watch. I love them all and I want to marry every one of the Monty Python guys except for Terry Jones because he's slightly ugly, and lock them up in a room and never let the rest of the world have them because their mine, precious, mine!!!!
Of course, i know this is one of my obsessive phases and i'll be over them by next month, just like im now over Al Pacino, John Safran, Ben Lee, Jude Law, Cillian Murphey etc. etc.
I just noticed those were all guys and all except one were actors. Okay, really one and a half since John Safran is more a comedian than an actor. Except I'm convinced he acted that exorcism thing in John Safran vs God. Can't remember the exorcism my foot.
I am applying red nail polish to my left thumb.
I am debating whether I should continue with red or whether I shall start another colour...
Hm.
Definately another colour.
Dark pink or light pink? Or in between pink?
I can't decide. Oh well, light pink then dark pink.
One day I want to have rainbow nails.
Red, orange, yellow, light green, dark green on my left hand.
Light blue, dark blue, purple, pink... then red again... on my right hand.
I also want more earrings.
I have lots of new earrings too now that I think about it. The only thing I really lack is hoop earrings. Gold and/or silver hoop earrings.
Alright, this is getting kind of dangerous, typing with wet nail polish.
Rant over.
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| Sunday, October 2nd, 2005
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Sunday
October 2nd, 2005
12:12am
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Pet Peeve Number One:
The guy I like confiding in me about his crush - someone else.
Same guy has done that three times. Three bloody times. When am I going to stop being such a pathetic loser and let him know?
Oh well... the upside to these wistful unrequited loves of his is that he talks to me a hell of a lot more. I like knowing his thoughts. Being in confidence. Plus, it didn't tear as much this time. I'm caring less. He's becoming less of a crush and more of a good friend which is really how I would prefer things to be.
I got drunk and so high this night, and now I've got the worst fucking headache. I need sleep.
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| Wednesday, September 28th, 2005
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Wednesday
September 28th, 2005
11:39pm
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Went bike riding with Emma, Em, Kris. 5 mins away from the city it started to bucket down. We thought the Yarra was gonna rise up over the path and drown us all.
Anyway, rain stopped so we parked near Fed Square and all ended up with a pasta lunch at South Bank. Saw Mrs Merrigan but didn't bother to ambush her.
Found an exhibition - Experimenta Vanishing Point. Was so extremely bizarre and awesome. There were flashing lights that made you see floating chairs and odd interpretive movies and 3D thingymabobs, and the table where you touched metal things like cutlery and lights, and cool shadow things happened, and that freaky room where it looked like people were behind you but no one was there. Plus it was free which is always a bonus. There was a weird kind of 12-sided thing on the sidewalk with all these panels of mirrors on the inside. You just stood there staring for a while and suddenly all this water vapour shoots out from the sides and you're stuck in a big, damp fog. Was weird.
We wanted to get to the Queen Vic complex to find the rumoured chocolate place, but we didn't know how to get there so we ended up going to the visitor's centre like a bunch of bogans. The place was only like straight up the road from where we were, but gave Emma a map anyway, and Emily was so embarassed that people would see us and think we're retards.
We found the chocolate place which was crammed but we're gonna go there next time. We visited a lolly place and pinched free lollies and went randomly around till it looked like it was gonna rain again, so we went to Flinders Station... and Quyin Chi was there with Robert Basset. Oh my god, it was awful. The girl just ran up to me and started screaming, and I just kept thinking, "Oh shit, I need help! Someone help me!"
Basset and Quyin Chi. What a pair. Apparantly they were there for Q's b'day. Yes, the university girl had just turned 16. She's bloody younger than me and she's a first year uni student. So the two were waiting for some friends because Q was making them go 'skateboarding'.
We escaped and had to bother the guy at the info booth twice because we couldn't figure out
a) what platform we needed
b) what time the next train left
c) whether we needed to pay for our bikes
We took the train all the way back to Glen Waverly, then Em and I wrote Reichstag up to the epilogue. God, I'm so emotionally attached to that story. It's too bad we had to kill off Hitler in his pursuit of Ugly One F and universal domination.
I finally finished a maths paper in under 1 and a half hours. It took me three papers to get to that stage. Still scoring around 85% but I'll work on that I suppose...
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| Sunday, September 18th, 2005
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Sunday
September 18th, 2005
12:12am
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Shit... it is 12:12 AM.
It is officially the day that I start studying for my 3/4s and well... my 1/2s too, just for good measure.
Tomorrow - I WILL wake up at 8:00
I WILL go for a run / walk depending on how far I can haul my ass without collapsing
I WILL study for 9 hours: from 9:30-12:30, then from 2:00-5:00 and finally 7:00-10:00
I WILL NOT start watching The Notebook while doing Maths - or any other subject.
a) because that does not constitute studying, and
b) because the tear stains on my maths book will render words unreadable
I WILL NOT bring the box of chocolates upstairs with me while studying
I WILL NOT daydream or pause every two minutes to draw detailed sketches of my hand in the margins
I WILL NOT read Reichstag or anything else that does not pertain to work while studying
I WILL NOT play computer games
I WILL NOT go on MSN
I WILL NOT call up friends
I WILL NOT have a mental breakdown until after November the 3rd
(Lead-up to exams - not a very happy time in my life)
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| Saturday, September 17th, 2005
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Saturday
September 17th, 2005
7:46pm
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I hate being such an angsty child. Well never mind. I'll have to start carrying a copy of Reichstag in my pocket around with me. Just the mere proximity of all that randomness can get me high.
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| Wednesday, September 14th, 2005
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Wednesday
September 14th, 2005
8:42pm - believe me please
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have mercy on me for i have stayed
and isn't that a kind of bravery?
i walked the line and still i prayed
that i could be a little better
my words are trapped in the time delay
and broadcast to the wasted hearts
i am not lost. i just went astray
and i want so much to be better
no one makes me
no one creates me
but it is quiet
and i lost the star i was following
have pity please, till the rain's allayed
it's not my mind that my heart betrayed
but somewhere inbetween i lost grip
have mercy on me. i am afraid.
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| Monday, September 5th, 2005
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Monday
September 5th, 2005
6:30pm
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What the fuck is wrong with everything?
Everything around me is wrong, wrong, wrong. Everything I do makes things worse.
Either I'm the one to blame, or its the rest of the world.
I feel crazy bad.
I WANT TO FIX EVERYTHING.
Every time I think things can't get worse, I hit a new low. People just keep fucking with my life when I'm already trying to piece things together. I'm losing friends. More and more people have joined the hate club. It's the newest fad. Lets see how much we can tear her apart, fibre by fibre, insidiously, painfully.
Don't leave me.
IT'S NOT MY FUCKING FAULT!!!!!!!!
I'm a good person.
I try to be nice.
I say what I want. I say what I think. But I don't think nasty things.
I am a natural scapegoat. The crazy one. The selfish one. The immature one.
I'm sick of crying. Something's wrong with my tear ducts. I cry easily. Except they know that I'm an actor in that worse kind of way. They know that I can pretend to be upset. They know I can make myself cry out of the blue.
So my teary rants suddenly meant nothing.
Apologies - nothing.
"How fake was that? The whole tears and crying in public and everything."
But it was real.
I want the strength to say FUCK YOU ALL! I DON'T NEED YOU!
But I need people. I need to be liked.
I don't want to be alone.
current mood:  distressed
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| Wednesday, July 20th, 2005
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Wednesday
July 20th, 2005
9:01pm - Hurts
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I'm just like everyone else.
Someone drill holes in my brain. I need some pain sharp enough to distract me from everything now.
I HATE IT when I'm like this.
Other crushes will last no longer than a handful of months. How long has this been now? One and a half years. Only because I don't see him often enough to get used to him being around. I don't get to see his faults. I don't get over hearing his voice. And the moments in between glimpses is awful.
This is pathetic. Pathetic. Other crushes have been guys who I knew. Who I talked to.
He's very far away.
I can't get over this. I can't grab my chance to talk, see what choices I have, then bring closure to everything.
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| Sunday, June 5th, 2005
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Sunday
June 5th, 2005
9:28pm - Remembering
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Looking into the past becomes more and more painful with each year that goes by. I don't do it often, but whenever I get depressed my thoughts always dip back to the past like a homing bird.
Today, this is what I saw:
She was one of my best friends, and he was a friend. They backstabbed me. For once, I was really the faultless victim that everyone pretends to be. I kept to the lines, I kept my head down and god, it hurts to think how happy I had been for that short while.
I remember my one true friend who hesitated for so long before those ominous whispers, "Look, they told me not to tell you this but I really thought you need to know this..."
I remember the look on her face as she confronted me for the first time. She was scared. I walked towards her and she flinched. She thought I was gonna hit her. I should've.
I told her I was happy for her.
And this is where I felt physically sick. Because I hugged her. And told her it didn't matter. I don't remember if she hugged me back. Maybe she didn't.
I even managed a smile, and then I had to run off before I started to cry and gave her the satisfaction of seeing me broken.
I remember a sense of horrible, deep pain when I counted off the names of people who were closest to me but had chosen to write me off.
Later I was denied even my pride as the rumours built and the propaganda drowned out the truth. I became the pathetic one. The wrong one. The one who initiated it all instead of the one who had been ubelievably happy and then turned around to find people had run through my house and burned my foundations to the ground.
Time must lend some magnification to my memories, and it is no less painful.
I go through life with a million stories influencing my words but no moment has been so sharp and stands so awful an event as the time that I lost more friends than I could bear to think about, and all symbolized and brought to one horrible promise of bitterness as that hug.
current mood:  morose
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| Saturday, June 4th, 2005
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Saturday
June 4th, 2005
12:55am - Ab ovo
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I am far from wanting to stoop as low as to start an angst rant, which is what most blogs invariably end up as.
However, I found out something. The Earth is hurtling through space. (Where's my Nobel Prize?)
Tomorrow, we will all be 16,000 km away from where we are now. Just like our lives, the world is set on a one-way track. We can all look back but from day to day nothing behind looks at all that different from where we are now, and we while the time away waiting for some undetermined signal to mark the start of our lives.
My dreams are even less defined than most, and yet I'm not really that different from the others. The chorus is familiar. "When I grow up, I will be rich, I'll be famous, I'll scale the heights and leave the beaten paths. I'll rule the world, I'll rid the world of poverty, sickness and starvation. I'll stop the wars. We will glorify peace. I'll set up a book shop that sells classics and wine. They'll hear my voice. They'll remember me forever. I want to be a hero. I want to be a leader. I want to drive an ice-cream van."
Planning and plotting, and yet we all wait, blood pounding and heart racing, filled with the greatness of our dreams. Our ears strain for that signal that never comes. What is it? What do we seek? A certain knowledge? A divine voice? The passing of an age where suddenly everything becomes clear, confidence builds and our doubt is forgotten?
Maybe there is a signal; a clear and miraculous sign of the wonders to come.
But just in case there isn't, I make my resolution:
My life starts now.
current mood:  hopeful
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true_ethereal's journal
